The Beginnings of 2009

This blog hopefully will become filled with the thoughts and actions attributed to who I am...whether it be simple or complex, cheerful or down right miserable it will allow you that small glimpse into my thoughts...the very thoughts which create my actions and reactions.

With a new year comes new goals and desires for everyone, whether it be to lose that Christmas weight, do better in school, gaining things of monetary or emotional value or even something as simple as smiling more. These year, unlike most, I have made no personal goals or plans for myself for 2009 except the usual...eat, sleep, school and work. With that comes a free feeling....I know I want to succeed in whatever I decide to conquer, but what I will conquer this year is still a mystery to me...no that's a lie...this year I just want to be happy....unconditionally happy. This years goal or lack there of has come with wisdom of living alone in this monstrosity called Toronto...

So what have these last few years taught me...

I can do it all by myself, moving into my own apartment and living alone was a big step in my maturity over these years. Of course I will always need the support of my family emotionally and from time to time financially, but I have learned many vital skills that are the stepping stones for the rest of my life...remembering back to the mess my bedroom was every day of my years at home I now more than ever appreciate the million times my mother asked me to clean my room or at least clean up my messes...my organization skills have become impeccable.

With days upon days of happiness also come days of sadness, tears, anger and stress but those shitty days just go to show you how amazing those good days really are. Those happy and sad days also helped to show me the kind of friends I want and the people I can count on...these few years have introduced me to some, not a lot, but a few amazing people I hope will always be there and if not then I'm glad for the times I had with those people and they will constantly be a part of me and my memory...this counting on the fact that I don't go completely crazy and lose my mind.

Forgiveness has been a large part of my life the last few years, not necessarily because of other peoples' mishaps but to forgive myself for my own mistakes, past and present. Dwelling on something will mean it never disappears and just interferes with getting on with things...therefore interfering with my want to be happy.

With these lessons and many, many others I will probably remember at a later date, I have realized that my only goal this year is to be happy in everything I do and to not regret anything that may or may not happen. With this realization comes the need to put all the things I have learned, not only on my own, but from others in my life; whether it be my father, mother, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, boyfriends and even those people I don't favour in any way, into use.

Being truly happy means being honest, faithful, accepting and appreciative, and on many occasions forgiving, of yourself as well as others around you. As I've learned, usually when a person lacks one or some of these abilities it seems to end up in turmoil....whether it affect only you or others around you as well, whether the issue be big or small, it leaves that nasty feeling in the pit of your stomach
...that feeling is definitely not a happy feeling...

2009 goal - To be as happy as I have ever been. :)

-Bloxsidge